A New Beginning
by gnesd
Summary: A case involving a dead baby ends up being the key to Grissom opening his eyes. GSR eventually. WIP
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Authors Note: This case does involve the death of a baby. I've tried to keep the details to a minimum. Please let me know what you think. Thank you!

The team had gathered into the break room and they were just waiting on Grissom, as usual. Catherine bit into her apple then looked at her watch. "Where the hell is Grissom? Shift started 15 minutes ago."

Nick lifted his head out of the magazine he was reading. "I saw him talking to Ecklie earlier, so I imagine when he does get here he'll be in a _great_ mood."

Sara took a sip of her coffee while staring at Nick. "Seriously though Nick, what's with the hair? It just doesn't suit you. It's like-"

Nick looked offended. "What's wrong with my hair? Don't dis it just because you don't like the style." Everyone let out a chuckle. "Besides, I never hear you ragging on Greg."

"That's cause his suits his personality. Your's…just…doesn't."

"Dude, she's right. If you want a little help, I'm free after shift. We can try out a few different styles."

Nick pointed at Greg and raised an eyebrow. "_You_ are not touching my hair." Everyone was laughing uncontrollably at this point.

"You know Nick, it's not like he could do any worse."

"Can…we, please just talk about something else."

Grissom walked in at that point and saw Catherine drying her eyes and Warrick massaging his cheeks. "Sorry I'm late. Did I miss something?"

Nick was back to reading his magazine and answered Grissom without looking up. "Just the memo on 'picking on Nick day', apparently."

Grissom deadpanned. "Oh. The hair, huh?" Everyone lost it again. Nick just shook his head and started to smile. He thought 'well, if you can't beat 'm, join 'm.'

"Okay, so you got that memo huh?"

"Okay. Settle down." Grissom started to hand out the slips. "Catherine, you have a B&E. Warrick, Greg…you have a 419 at the Tropicana. Sara, Nick…you're with me." He sighed. "We have a dead baby. Brass is waiting for us. Let's go."

They rode to the house in silence. Grissom drove, Sara was riding shotgun and Nick was in the back. Sara kept stealing glances at Grissom. He was normally pretty quiet but she got a different feeling from him, one of sadness. She knew how he was with cases like these. She knew he was probably dreading the scene they were going to have to process. Ever since the whole ordeal with Nick, they had become closer friends, like they had been years ago. Neither had wanted to talk about their 'relationship'. They were just content right now with being able to joke and flirt with each other again. She was staring out the window lost in thought when she heard Grissom speak. His hand was on her arm.

"You coming?" She suddenly realized they were already at the scene. Nick was getting the kits out of the back.

She looked down at his hand and smiled softly. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I was just really deep in thought there." He gave her an understanding nod and they got out of the vehicle.

They met up with Brass at the front door. "Hey guys." He looked very somber.

"Jim. What have we got?"

Brass sighed deeply and started to walk back into the house with the CSI's close behind. "Mother's boyfriend, Andrew Parks, was watching her 20 month old son, James Starkly. He swears he didn't touch the kid. Says he went for a swim outside and left the kid in here watching cartoons."

Sara asked incredulously, "He left a 20 month old alone?"

"Yeah, says the front door was wide open when he returned. He swears someone must have come in through there and killed him. If you ask me, his story's full of holes. I'm going to take him in. He'll be there when you're ready."

As they all walked up to the body Grissom stopped and spoke softly. "Thanks Jim. We'll take it from here." He cleared his throat while staring at the body. "Uh…Nick, process the perimeter of the house, including the pool area. Also print the front door. Sara, start taking pictures. We need to get this little guy processed as quickly as possible so we can get him to Al."

As Nick and Sara took their positions and began working, Grissom still stood frozen staring at the baby. Sara paused from taking the pictures and peered over the camera at Grissom. He closed his eyes and shook his head. He got himself together and knelt down to the body to begin processing.

An hour later, Sara looked to the coroners. "Okay guys. I think we're done."

When they moved to pick him up Grissom stopped them. "Wait." He gently picked up the baby and placed him on the stretcher. He stared at him for a minute, and then spoke with barely a whisper. "Okay, you can take him now." He looked to Sara and she could see the moisture in his eyes. "Let's get the evidence back to the lab, and then let's go talk to the boyfriend."

Sara watched as he walked out of the house nearly running into Nick. He was oblivious to it. Nick looked at Sara. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know Nick. He's acting really weird. I'll keep an eye on him. Are you ready to go?"

"No, I'll catch a ride in with a cruiser. I want to check something out real quick."

"Okay. See you back at the lab." Nick nodded.

Grissom didn't say a word during the ride back to the lab. Not that she was surprised but she was definitely concerned. As they approached the front door she reached out for his arm. "Hey. You okay?"

He tried to fake a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

She couldn't believe the role reversal going on. "Okay."

They checked in their evidence and got Hodges started on some of it. Then they headed over to the station so they could hear the boyfriend's story first-hand. As they walked up to the interrogation room Brass was just walking out. They all looked at the boyfriend through the glass.

"Did you guys get anything yet?" Sara looked to Grissom who remained silent. She decided to take the initiative to answer Brass.

"Nothing yet. We wanted to hear what he has to say, then we're going to head over to autopsy." Brass and Sara looked at each other, then to Grissom, then back to each other.

"Okay. Well, he's all yours."

He opened the door and moved to the side. Grissom and Sara walked in and sat down across from Andrew Parks. He was very nervously biting his fingernails.

Sara began. "Mr. Parks, I'm Sara Side and this is Gil Grissom. We're crime scene investigators with LVPD. Why don't you tell us what happened?"

He paused in his nail biting. "I already told the cops 3 times!"

"Yes, but we need to hear it. Please just once more." Trying to sound like she was on his side she added, "Look, I know this must be very difficult for you. Knowing your story will help us find James' killer. You do want that don't you?"

He threw his hands down on the table. "Yes! Of course I do. You're just…you're treating me like a criminal."

Sara was about to speak when she heard Grissom. His voice was so deep and intense. "Are you?"

"No! I loved Jimmy like he was my own son." Sara was staring at Grissom, who couldn't seem to take his eyes off of Parks.

"Mr. Parks, nobody's trying to treat you like a criminal. Please, just take us through what happened yesterday."

He closed his eyes. "Okay. Sandra had to do some shopping so she told me to watch Jimmy. I fed him some lunch. Then I set him up in the living room and turned on some cartoons." He paused a moment to wipe his nose. His eyes were building with tears. "I uh…I went upstairs to change into my shorts. When I came back down he was fine so I went out back, to the pool, to get in a few laps. I was just gone for 20-30 minutes."

"Excuse me Mr. Parker. That's what I don't understand. I mean, I don't have kids, but I don't think it's normal to leave a 20 month old alone."

Parks stood up. "I thought you understood!"

Grissom pointed to the chair. "Sit. Down." Parks saw Grissom's expression and sat down quickly.

Sara looked at Grissom then cleared her throat. "Mr. Parks, I'm sorry. Please continue."

"Look, I…I did it all the time. He was a good kid. Didn't need a whole lot of supervision." Sara shook her head. "So after my swim I came in and saw him on the floor not breathing. Then that's uh…that's when I saw the front door wide open."

Grissom startled Sara when he spoke. "Did you touch his body at all? Did you dry off before you entered the house?"

"Of course I dried off. I always do. Sandra would get all over me if I didn't. I didn't touch him though. As soon as I saw him I knew he was dead and someone had broken in. So, I called 911."

"Well, thank you Mr. Parks. That's all we need for right now." Sara looked confused. Grissom motioned for her to get up.

As soon as they got outside the room she asked, "Okay, that was a little abrupt. I still had some more questions."

"Later. We may not need them."

"So…are you going to fill me in?"

"I swabbed some water substances off of James' body. I think it's water from the pool. Hodges should be able to tell us later. Besides that, I don't think I know of anyone, parent or not, that would not go rush to the baby's side. To try to check for a pulse or revive it…at least something. No, this guy is definitely lying to us. Let's go see what Al can tell us."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Authors Note: This case does involve the death of a baby. I've tried to keep the details to a minimum. Please let me know what you think. Thank you!

Grissom and Sara stood at one side of the autopsy table while Doc Robbins was on the other side. Sara kept looking at him to make sure he was still with them. She had never seen him so quiet and reserved. "C.O.D. was strangulation. His larynx is badly damaged and as you can see, there are abrasions on his throat. There's deep bruising on his upper arms to suggest he was roughly held and possibly shaken." Grissom closed his eyes tightly and reopened them when Robbins continued. "I also found more bruising on his back, legs, and face that are older, maybe three or four days. This little guy was definitely abused days before he was killed."

Grissom looked to Sara then to Al. "Thank you Doc." He walked out of the room and reached for his phone. "Jim, are you still holding Parks?"

"Yeah, I wanted to wait to see if you guys had anything from autopsy first."

"Good. We're on our way." As he flipped his phone closed, he turned to see Sara. "_Now_, we can ask Parks a few more questions."

As they walked down the hall they saw Brass talking to a very irate woman. When they got closer they were able to hear what she was saying. "I just don't understand why you people won't just let us be! You should be out there trying to find my son's killer. You've had Andy here for almost 24 hours now. He would never hurt Jimmy. He loved him!"

Brass noticed the CSI's approaching. "Ms. Starkly, this is Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle of the crime lab. They just have a few more questions for Mr. Parks."

Sara looked to the woman sympathetically. "Ms. Starkly, I'm sorry for your-"

Grissom interrupted her. "Did you or Mr. Parks ever hit James?"

Offended, she responded. "NO! To hell with you for even asking!"

"We found bruising on James' body that are 3-4 days old." Brass looked to Sara and she nodded confirmation.

"I uh…I don't know anything about that. Look, whatever bruises you found have to be from the animal that killed him!"

Taking a deep breath, he shook his head as he stepped past her and spoke softly. "I couldn't agree with you more, Ms. Starkly."

Sara joined him in the room. "Mr. Parks we just have a few more questions."

"This is ridiculous!"

Grissom ignored him. He had fire in his eyes. "If you didn't touch James or go near him, and if you dried off before you went back inside the house, then why did we find chlorine water on James's clothes?" Sara looked at Grissom with confusion because she knew they hadn't gotten the results back from Hodges yet.

He sat there agape. "I…I must have…yeah, yeah you know what, I did check to see if he had a pulse. Some water must have dripped off then."

"You may want to work on that. You'd think by now you would have your story straight. Why did you do it? He was just a baby, an innocent baby." His last sentence was barely a whisper. Sara had a sudden feeling that it was the calm before the storm.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Grissom stood and grabbed Parks by the shirt. He threw him against the wall and held him there.

"Grissom! What are you doing?" She looked to the door, silently praying that Brass would come running in.

"Did you really think we wouldn't find out? Most of the bruising on James' body is from days ago. How exactly would you like to explain that?"

Parks broke down, sobbing uncontrollably, looking like a cowering dog. "I didn't…I didn't mean to. He…he wouldn't…shut up. He just kept crying. I even…tried to leave. But…I could still hear him." Sara was stunned and Grissom, still with his hold on Parks, was hit with a wave of nausea. He released him and Parks fell to the floor.

"You disgust me. Why didn't…" He stood there with a dark scowl and decided not to bother with anymore questions. All the questions in the world couldn't make him understand why anyone would harm a baby.

Brass came in with an officer to arrest Parks. They had seen everything through the glass. Sara glared at Brass wondering why he let it go so far, than realized that Parks may not have confessed otherwise. She looked back to Grissom but he was gone.

"I actually didn't think it would work. We have the mother on accessory charges. What a waste." Brass looked up to see Sara staring at the door. "Let him cool off Sara. He'll be okay."

A tear rolled down her face. "I don't know Jim. Something snapped in him when we first got this case." She sniffled and wiped the dampness from her face. "I need to go find him."

Brass understood. He too knew that his good friend was not himself. He put a hand on Sara's back. "Okay. Call me if you need anything." He made eye contact with her. "Please, anything at all."

She slowly nodded and left the room. She first went to his office, no luck. She called his cell and paged him, also with no luck. After an hour of searching she decided to call Brass. They found his car in the parking lot of a local dive bar. She talked Brass into letting her go in alone, but only because she agreed to him waiting out there for them.

There were only a dozen, or so, people in the place. She was surprised there were that many. It was just early afternoon, but this was Vegas. Her eyes searched and found him at the end of the bar, alone. She watched as he took a shot of something and chased it with his beer. She wondered just how many he had already had. Leaning on his right elbow, he ran his right hand through his hair until it came to rest on the back of his neck to support his head. He didn't even flinch when she sat beside him and started to talk.

"Hey. We uh…" She looked to the bartender as he approached. "Just a water. Thanks." She focused on Grissom again. "Brass got the mother for accessory and Parks, well, I'm sure you know." She stared at him for a moment. He looked so empty. She took on a different tone. "You're scaring me Grissom. What's going on? This isn't like you."

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "It's not my intent to scare you Sara." He turned to look deeply into her eyes. "I would never want that."

"I know that Griss. I do. But, please, talk to me."

He wouldn't break the eye contact and it was making her extremely nervous. "Can I ask you a question?"

She was reluctant to answer, fearing what the question would be. "Sure."

He shook his head. "Why do you still care about me? After all the times I have hurt you. Why do you still put up with me?"

She thought for a moment and decided to be honest with him. "I don't know. Maybe I'm a masochist." He shot her a disbelieving look. "Or not. Look, Grissom, you are an incredible guy. True, you have hurt me on more than one occasion, but not on purpose. You never meant to, I know that. And I do know that you care about me. You've shown me _that_ on more than one occasion. Lately, you've been there for me when I've needed you." She put a hand on his arm. "Let me be there for you. What's going on?"

He looked back to his beer and asked the bartender for another shot. He took it and chased it with his beer. Noticing that that was the end of his beer, Sara thought now would be a good time to try to get him out of there. "Griss?" With her left hand on his arm, she began to rub his back with her right. "Will you at least let me take you home?"

He looked back up to her and nodded. His eyes were bloodshot and he knew he needed to go home. She smiled and was thankful that she was able to get him to agree on something.

She helped him out to his car and got him into the passenger seat. He closed his eyes as soon as they got his seatbelt on. She walked over to Brass. "I think we'll be okay. I'll call you later and let you know how he is. Can you call Catherine and let her know we won't be in tonight? I doubt that he's going to be in any condition to go anywhere and I don't want to leave him alo-"

Brass put his hand up to stop her. "Say no more. Don't worry about it Sara. Just take care of him for us."

She looked back to the car. "I'll do my best Jim. Just keep your phone close by."

"You bet."

With that, she walked back to Grissom's car and got in. Brass watched as she drove away. He didn't understand what was going on but he knew if anyone could get Grissom through it, it would be Sara.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Authors Note: Sorry about the massive delay. I should be able to do weekly updates now. Thank you all so much for the reviews. Please let me know what you think. Thank you!

Sara pulled Grissom's car into his driveway and put it in park. She looked over and couldn't stop herself from staring at the sight before her. Grissom had fallen asleep, or passed out rather, just after they left the bar. His head was turned so that Sara could see his face. So many emotions passed through her – longing for the man she knew she could never have and frustration with not understanding why; loving him still even though and more frustration with not understanding why. The usual Grissom involved emotions that go through her. He looked so peaceful just sleeping there. She didn't know why, but she started to feel a bit guilty for looking at him without his permission, like she was doing something wrong. She shook her head then decided to wake him up. There was no way she was going to carry him and she certainly didn't feel right with leaving him in the car.

She gently put her hand to the right side of his face. She called his name and got no response. She began to rub her thumb against his cheek, hoping that would help in waking him. Instead, she realized touching him was not such a good idea. She was starting to get too much pleasure from it, and the guilt came back. Just as she decided to withdraw her hand his eyes flashed open. She blushed with embarrassment.

"Um…hi, we're home. Well, your home that is. My home is well…" As she trailed off she cleared her throat. "You think you can make it inside?"

He hadn't moved a muscle, his eyes fixed on her. He didn't answer her and she was becoming incredibly nervous. She undid her seatbelt and started to get out of the car when his hand stopped her. She looked to his hand then met his eyes.

"Thank you, Sara, for everything. You know, I don't deserve you."

She wasn't quite sure what to say. His hand was still latched onto her arm. She knew he had to be drunk but he spoke so clearly and seemed so sincere. Who knows, maybe Grissom just has a high tolerance for alcohol, a _very_ high tolerance.

"Um, look Griss, you don't have to thank me. Let's just get you inside. Okay?"

He closed his eyes and gave her a slight nod. By the time she made it around to his side of the car, he was out and leaning against it. His eyes met hers again and she cursed herself for not being able to look away. "I'm not drunk Sara. Yeah, I've had a few drinks, but I know what I'm saying…" He paused and put a hand on her cheek. "…and I know what I'm doing."

Her knees suddenly became weak and she tried to speak but couldn't find her voice. He looked around and then spoke. "But since you seem to think I've had too much to drink, I'll let you make me some coffee." He removed his hand from her cheek and took a step then lost his footing and fell back against the car. That was enough to snap her out of it. She grabbed him around his waist and let out a small laugh. She was pleased to see the smile on his face too.

"Okay, Mr. I'm not drunk. I guess I do need to help you inside."

"Yeah, I think I'll let you." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she put an arm around his waist and walked him to the front door. Once they got inside he told her to make herself comfortable. He stumbled off to the bathroom.

She decided coffee wasn't such a bad idea. She fumbled around his kitchen and surprisingly found everything she needed. While waiting for the coffeemaker to do its thing, she found herself pondering a few questions_. Is this really happening? What was with him touching my cheek? Should I really be here? Maybe I can leave now? Maybe I should leave now?_ She shook her head and spoke out loud. "No, this isn't about me. He needs to talk about what's bothering him. I have to be here for _him_."

"What if it is about you?"

She jumped at the voice and quickly turned around grabbing her chest. "Jesus, Grissom! You scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry." He took a seat at the breakfast bar. He rubbed his hands through his hair. "Sara, I need to talk to you. I…I don't want to make you uncomfortable but…I need you to know what's going on with me."

To say she was stunned beyond belief would be an understatement. "Um, okay. But, how is this about me?"

"Not all of it, but partly. This is going to be a long story but, if you have the time, I'd like to get it out." He sighed. "I _need_ to get it out."

She was very confused and a little scared at what he had to tell her. She spoke softly then moved close enough to him so that she could put a hand on his. "Grissom, I'm here for as long as you need me. You know that."

He smiled. "I know. I don't understand, but I know." His smile quickly left his face as he began to tell his story. "I've never told anyone this before, but I've been a father."

She almost spilled their coffee that she was pouring. "Father, as in fathering a child?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, Sara. His name was Anthony." He paused and smiled as he thought of him.

She knew this was going to be difficult. Her heart broke for him but she knew she needed to be strong for him. She took a seat next to him and waited for him to continue.

"I was seeing this girl in college, Lynn. She was the first woman to get my attention. We went out for awhile then things started to get serious. Before I knew it, I wanted one thing and she wanted the opposite. She said we were still in college, that she didn't want to settle down with one guy yet. She said she still had a lot of life to live. So, I broke it off with her. Two months later she came to my door and said she was pregnant with my baby." He took a deep breath and sipped some of his coffee. "We uh…we decided to be friends for our unborn child's sake. She let me go to her doctor appointments with her and I was there when he was born."

Sara looked up in time to see a tear run down his cheek. She couldn't take it anymore, she had to touch him. She put her hand on his back and began to rub in gentle, soothing circles, trying to give him the strength to continue.

He wiped his face and drank some more of his coffee. "After Anthony was born, she started fooling around with the wrong crowd. She got into drugs and before I got a chance to get Anthony away from her, he was dead." He couldn't stop the flow of tears. "It turned out that uh…one of her boyfriends had suffocated him with a pillow to get him to stop crying." He looked up to see Sara's face red and tearstained.

"God, Grissom. This case…"

"Yeah. I just can't take it anymore Sara. I…I can't keep seeing these kids and the sorry excuses for parents that hurt them. I just cannot do it again. I _won't_ do it anymore"

She didn't know how he handled it in the past, but she definitely agreed he shouldn't work these cases anymore. _Or wait, he is just talking about these specific cases isn't he? There's no way he would leave CSI, is there? _

"What are you saying Griss?"

He looked to her and smiled. "I think I need a change. I've decided to start teaching again, full time." He paused to gauge her reaction. He had expected her to yell at him for thinking about leaving CSI, to try to talk him out of it.

"Wow. How long have you thought about this?"

"Off and on, for the past year or so. This case just helped in finalizing my decision. Ecklie will have my resignation on his desk tomorrow. I uh…I'm also hoping my new change will help in another aspect of my life." He looked to her and took her right hand in his; her left hand was still on his back. "Sara, please…please tell me I'm not too late."

She closed her eyes. "Grissom, this is all so overwhelming." She felt him tense and try to take his hand back but she tightened her grip. She opened her eyes to see his confused expression. "No, Grissom, you're not too late. God, you could never be too late. But this… is all just so damn overwhelming. For so many years I could barely get you to talk about the weather, let alone anything personal. And… and now you tell me about your son and you quitting and wanting there to be more between us. It's just a lot to take in." She squeezed his hand again. "Just give me a second." She smiled at him warmly.

He nodded and understood. "Do you want to move over to the couch? It'll be more comfortable and I think we have a lot more to talk about." She saw the sincerity in his eyes. She agreed and he excused himself to the bathroom again. She grabbed their coffee mugs and refilled them.

As she put the mugs down on the coffee table she sensed his presence. She looked up saw him staring at her from the hallway. She looked closer and saw that he had a picture in his hand. She smiled and sat down. He sat down next to her and handed her the picture. It was a very young Gil Grissom holding a baby, who she assumed was Anthony. She was right. Her eyes started to fill with tears again. She looked to him and found her voice. "Is…is this Anthony?" After he nodded she continued. "Grissom, how old was he when he died?"

He took a deep breath and choked out an answer. "Fourteen months."

They stared at each other for what seemed like hours, both with eyes full of unshed tears. Then she pulled him into an awkward hug. "God, Grissom. I am so sorry. I wish I could take all the pain away."

He pulled away just enough to look at her. "You are Sara, not all of it, but you're helping. Thank you." He leaned into her and tenderly kissed her lips. It was quick but it was enough for now.

She smiled and curled into him with her head on his shoulder and her arms wrapped around him. "Good."

"Sara, this is going to sound like I'm moving really fast but, please, just hear me out." She lifted her head to look at him. "Will you sleep with me tonight? Just sleep, I promise. I just…I don't want you to go and I don't know how much longer I can stay awake."

She grinned and lifted herself off the couch. She held out her hand to him without saying a word. He smiled and they walked to his room hand in hand.


End file.
